OK, children, listen up. Your mom’s been laid off. That’s right, she’s lost her job and she’s concerned. She loves you and she’s going to continue to provide for you. You just need to give her time and space to figure out what she’s going to do next, so life can get back to normal. You can lend a hand.
Support can be financial and it can be emotional. You may be too young to help with the finances but just the right age to be a real help around the house. Clean your room. Clear the table. Mow the lawn. Be nice to your brother and stop teasing the dog. Instead of asking Mom to buy you something that you want and don’t need, ask her what she needs and what you can do for her.
It’s easier to deal with family layoffs when you’re too young to understand the consequences of job loss. It’s harder when you’re old enough to realize the impact and not old enough to influence the outcome. Particularly if you’re worried about the effect it can have on you personally. For example:
Your dad’s been laid off. The company he worked for went out of business and there wasn’t anything he could do to keep it afloat. You know he’s worried, even though he says that he’s not. He tells you and your sister to cheer up, there’s nothing to be concerned about, but you are, just the same.
Your dad always said that if you had good grades and could get accepted, he’d pay tuition and expenses to any college you wanted to attend. You’ve worked hard on your studies and have been accepted to your top choice, a small private college in the northeast. Money wasn’t supposed to be a problem. There was supposed to be plenty of money to pay for your education. Now it doesn’t look that way. Your sister said you’re selfish if you insist on going there with dad out of work. You tell her to butt out, that it’s between you and dad. Now you’re not sure what the right thing is and you’re afraid to ask.
You’ve started to avoid everyone at home, especially dad. You don’t want to ask how his job search is going because it probably isn’t going anywhere and knowing that will just make matters worse.
You have a friend, Pat, whose dad’s been out of work for months. Pat recently took an after school job at a grocery store, stocking shelves and bagging groceries. You asked him if he was embarrassed for kids at school to know what he was doing. Pat looked at you like he was looking at a stranger. “I’m helping the family”, he said. “What would you do if you were in my shoes?” You are in his shoes and you don’t have the courage to think about it.
Find your courage. You’re a member of a family that needs everyone to pitch in and figure out the best way to get through a rough time. Talking about it, openly and honestly, is the first step to working your way through it.
Begin by talking with your dad. Invite him for a walk, a run, a lunch, some coffee. Get him out of the house and to a place where the two of you can be alone. Make this about him, not about you. Ask how he’s doing and how he’s feeling. Listen to what he says and how he looks when he says it. Respond to his feelings more than the content of his words. Ask what you can do to be a support to him and the family and ask in a way that demonstrates that you care.
Talk with him about college and your desire to attend. Let him know that you want to ease the financial burden it will have on the family. You may find that attending an in-state university and working to help support yourself is a reasonable option. As a result, you’ll have an education, work experience, be more marketable, and you’ll always know that you did the right thing when it counted most.