Body language has power of its own. The more aware you are of what that looks like, the better an interviewer and applicant you’ll be. Here are examples of the unintended consequences of body language.

“The interviewer had no feedback. No smile, no frown, no affect, no small talk. I could have been a stack of books or a coat rack. It was discourteous and insensitive.  It turned me off to the job and the company.”

“The applicant sat there like an obedient child, hands folded, waiting. I assumed he wanted me to ask him a question so I obliged. “Tell me about yourself”, I said. He asked me what I meant, so I repeated the question. “Tell me about yourself”, I said, a little louder and as plainly as I could, in case he had some hearing loss or English was his second language. He sat there blankly, opened his hands as though to say, ‘I don’t know’, then refolded them.  I waited several seconds, then asked him why he was interviewing with us. He didn’t seem to know the answer to that question either. I had too much to do to continue the interview with someone so limited, so I pushed my chair back and stood, concluding our meeting. He stood as well and asked me why I was an interviewer. “Why do you ask?” I replied, surprised to hear him speak. “Because you don’t seem to like your job very much”, he said.”

Whether you’re the interviewer or applicant, boss or employee, father or son, mother or daughter, how aware are you of the unspoken messages you send and the likely impact and influence those messages have?

Ask those who know you best and those who barely know you and you’ll likely get surprisingly consistent feedback. For example,

• You think you provide direction in a clear, concise manner only to learn that you come across as irritated, impatient, and frustrated when someone questions your direction or differs with your opinion.
• You think you’re a well regarded team player who is reserved and prefers to work autonomously only to learn that others interpret your preferences as arrogance, and your behaviors as egotistical.
• You describe yourself as outgoing, funny, and engaging, yet others find your efforts ill-timed, insensitive and overbearing.

Most of us cruise along intentionally unaware of the impact we have on others. We don’t ask for feedback and get even less unless we’re interviewing for a job or asking for a promotion. It’s only when our request is rebuffed that we dare ask why and only then do we hear what we didn’t see coming.

Rather than worry about how others see you, or not care and later wish that you had, just ask. Ask how you can add more value to meetings and the people attending them.  Ask how you can be a better team player and team leader. The more you ask, the more you learn, the more you do with what you know, the more you grow.

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Joyce Richman (www.joycerichman.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce has appeared regularly on WFMY-TV and is the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.