There are many sides to a story. Here are two:
Her side: He’s disrespectful without cause, arrogant without reason, and opinionated as all get out. I don’t know what I did to deserve him but I‘ve had it with his attitude.
His side: I’ll tell you what she did to deserve me. She hired me. She needed someone who knew what he was doing because she didn’t have a clue and she wanted someone who would save her bacon and be quiet about it. So she made big promises and a big deal about how lucky she was to find me and within weeks of landing me, wanted to toss me overboard because she said I was “taking up all the oxygen in the room.”
Her side: First of all, I resent the inference that I don’t know what I’m doing because I do. If he spent more time doing his job and less time thinking he could do mine, he’d get more done and so could I. Secondly, I told him I was fortunate to have found someone with the technical expertise needed for his job. I never implied anything more, and yes, I was pleasant, as I am with all my employees.
His response: You hired me because of my opinions and to do my job. Now get out of the way and let me do it. Don’t drive me crazy with questions and don’t second guess my decisions. I know what I’m doing. Let me do it.
Her response: Do you see what I mean? He acts like he’s my boss and I’m bothering him.
He: There! Did you hear that? I threaten her!
She: You over-inflated blow-hard! You don’t threaten me, you irritate me!
Me: And so it goes… He yells, she name calls, he’s frustrated, so is she and neither of them are getting anything done. To make matters worse they’re both getting bad reviews from everyone within earshot of them.
Let’s try this another way. I’ll ask what the other person is doing right.
She: He’s smart, he has a grasp of what we need and he has a lot of organizational barriers to overcome. They’re a challenge for me, too, and I’ve been here a long time. He’s right, I was excited when he came on board because I thought he had the personality and drive to make things happen. I just didn’t think he’d drive over me.
He: I appreciate your saying all that. It has been harder to get things done here than anywhere I’ve worked before, and that’s not your fault. I get frustrated and I take it out on you. I apologize. But we need to figure out how to work together or I’m going to need to leave.
She: I want you to stay. Let’s start meeting each week, talk about your projects and the obstacles that are getting in your way. I’ll connect you to the decision makers so they know we’re aligned and we’re speaking with one voice instead of two.
He: I’m all for that. Thanks
