There’s a lot in life you can’t control and plenty that you can. You can worry yourself into a frenzy about the former and over-do the latter. You can change your perspective about both and live a little longer and be a little nicer, to yourself and those with whom you live and work.
That’s easy to say, and hard to do, if you’re stuck in a mindset of “this is who I am and I just can’t change”; “my mom had a bad temper, that’s why I’m always angry”; “my dad couldn’t keep a job; that’s why I can’t”: “I’m helpless…” “I’m hopeless….” “they’re doin’ it to me…” and “I just can’t help it….”
You may not be able to change the circumstances of your birth and upbringing, but you can change your attitude about where you are and what you choose to do about it.
Attitude. A bad attitude pushes good people away; makes a tough job tougher, and a bad situation worse. Negative attitude turns bad luck into self-fulfilling prophecy. A good attitude attracts supporters; makes a tough situation manageable; a tough job doable.
Life is a roller coaster of highs and lows without much time in between to contemplate the whys of one and the how-comes of the other. That’s why it makes sense to adopt one attitude and stick with it. And if you’re going to do that, you might as well pick the one that serves you best.
What’s that? You think I’m preaching irrepressible optimism and I’m not in touch with reality, yours in particular? Hmmm. If that’s what you think, you’re right. I don’t know what’s going on with you and the life that you live. I don’t know how much courage, grit, and determination it takes for you to get through the day. I don’t know how you struggle if you have a mean-spirited boss, co-workers who take credit for your work, or customers who beat you up on a daily basis.
I don’t believe that you need to like all the cards you’ve been dealt. I do believe it’s essential that you move forward with a notion of “I can” rather than the unrelenting despair of “I can’t.”
I’m a management and executive development coach. For more than twenty years I’ve met with clients, private and corporate, to identify and focus career direction, develop and enhance leadership and management strategies, and find ways to confront, assess and overcome countless obstacles that block an individual’s pathway to success.
When clients want career development, I ask questions that enable them to recall and describe their earlier life experiences, going back to high school days, as well as examine what’s currently happening in their lives. As they speak, I listen for patterns in their behaviors and trends in their interests. I look for what gives them energy and what takes it away. I learn about people who bring out the best in them and those who appear to undermine their efforts. I discover what motivates them to succeed, and what holds them back. I explore the triggers that hook them emotionally, and are detrimental, and those that get them going, and are beneficial.
The one thing that each person reveals, without my having to ask, is attitude. Attitude is the snap in a person’s step, the sparkle in the eye, the response offered, and the one not given. Attitude inspires word choices, conditions responses, and communicates through body language. Attitude doesn’t define character; it reveals perspective. Attitude doesn’t measure personal power; it reveals the level of power the person believes him or herself capable of attaining and projecting.
And as sure as stimulus triggers response, attitude sends a message and gets a reaction. It might not be the reaction that you want. You might be surprised and disappointed to find out how your spoken and unspoken messages are being interpreted. If you know how others perceive you and the news isn’t good, change your attitude and you’ll change your behavior. If you don’t know, because you’ve never dared ask, find out. If what you hear hurts, and you’re told what you can do differently, change your behavior and you’ll change your attitude.
