Scared stiff. That’s how the caller described himself. His wife had lost her job and he was afraid he’d lose his, too.
“I’m out of control,” he said, trying not to sound like he was, while doing his best to control everything in sight. He kept a close eye on the books and parceled out payment to what demanded greatest attention. He and his wife had cut costs to the bone; they weren’t eating out, and eating in was a Spartan event. They drove only when needed, relying on public transportation when they could, and friends when they couldn’t. Redbox was movie night and popcorn doubled as a meal and a snack.
“So far, so good”, he said, but reserves were running low and if his wife couldn’t find employment soon they’d be in the red. In a healthy economy, he’d ask for a raise, a deserved one, but given the precarious state of his company, he doesn’t dare. “Today’s squeaky wheels don’t get the grease”, he said, “they get pink slips”.
“Can I put you on hold for a minute while I take something for my headache? Don’t worry,” he laughed, “it’s generic, cheap, and legal.”
The caller didn’t have a question and he didn’t need advice. He was calling because he didn’t want to vent with his wife. “She has enough to worry about without my piling on”, he said. He doesn’t want to talk about it with his kids because “it’s taking a toll on them. They have friends whose parents are going through the same stuff we are, and some of their families have lost their homes. Our kids are afraid that might happen to us. I try to reassure them but I’m not as confident as I was six months ago when I thought we had the reserves we needed to weather this thing.”
When he paused, I asked him who he talks to about all this and he said, “No one. You’re it.”
That just shouldn’t be.
Readers, find someone to share your worry with, someone who doesn’t judge, blame, one up, put down, or dismiss your concerns as though they’re contagious. Talk with your spouses and your kids, not to worry them, but to share with them what each of them and you, are doing really well, and can be doing more of, to lighten the load and enjoy each other as a family.
There are places to go to talk about fears and challenges and get a listening ear, emotional support, financial advice, job leads and employment search strategies. For help, check with the Employment Security Commission, Job Link, the United Way, Goodwill, Professionals in Transition, The Job Search Network, and your faith communities.
If you’re not looking for work and you know folks who are, and they call and just want to talk, do your best to be there. They don’t need advice (your solutions might solve your problems, but not theirs), they need you. So listen deeply, patiently, and empathically. It’s the pleasure of your company on dark days that sheds light and makes a difference.
