She said she’s getting out of the business.

“Why in the world would you do that? You’re more successful than you’ve ever been. You told me that you love your work and the feeling you have when helping people get what they want. It’s working! Why leave now?”

She said that business is booming and she has to drive customers away with a stick. She’s making lots of money and the challenges keep coming.  The problem is that she’s working herself to death.

The way she looked when she said it told me how awful her truth was.

“So slow down. Take on fewer customers. Take a little time for yourself.”

She said that she couldn’t.

“That doesn’t make sense. How could you not?”

She said it doesn’t work that way.

“Then why do you drive yourself so hard? Why do you push until you burn out?

“Because it’s there”, she said, “because it’s there.”

How many of  you  pound rock and push it up hill because the rock is there and the hill’s in the way? You’re programmed to do it the way  you’ve always done it. Regrettably,  you’re going to get what you’ve always got.

Without meaning to, you’re taking a job that you love and working it until it kills you or you kill it.

In this case, my friend is killing it. She’ll probably be under lawn and garden arrest before garnering the necessary strength to venture back into the work world and do it yet again. Does she have a problem? You bet she does. She needs to change her program.

There are people in all sectors of work who happily share this individual’s unrelenting drive and ambition. Those who have enjoyed success  balancing the effort they exert with  the benefits they receive, continue to be happily productive.  Yes, they really do it all.

They have the ability to understand where, when and how the most important  aspects of their lives intersect and have the discernment to effectively relate those, one to the other. That’s called perspective.

Perspective without action is theory without application; it may be interesting but do you care?

If you want to replace your blind spot with insight and are ready to do something about what you see,  take ownership of the part you play.

I have some questions for you. Take your time when answering them. You rushed yourself into these problems, you can’t rush  yourself out of them.

• Who’s doing what to whom? Why? For what purpose?
• Who stands to benefit? Who stands to lose?
• How much work is too much? How do you know?
• Why should you care? What difference will it make?
• Separate your professional goals from your personal needs and evaluate the latter in terms of the more humanistic aspects of your life: the emotional, intellectual, the physical and spiritual. Take a weekend walk and talk to a friend. Leave your watch at home.
• Where have you developed most?
• Where have your grown the least?
• If you were to seek internal and external balance, what difference might it make in the way you live your personal and your professional life?
• How difficult is it for you to acknowledge and describe your personal needs and wants? Who nurtures you? Who willingly carries the load for you when you’re tired and encourages you when you’re down?

This is not a gender issue. The need to be whole and affirmed for who you are, not just what you do, is something that we all share, universally. If you believe that the weight of the world sits squarely on your shoulders, you allowed the world put it there. Sit down, take a load off. Someone else can pound rock for a while.

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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.joycerichman.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.