Parents, from your calls and emails it sounds like finding summer employment for your teenagers is top of mind these days. Just be careful. If you get too involved, their search will become your search, and even worse, they could stop searching before they even get started.
“I provide our family gracious living; a fine home, cars, vacations, club memberships, you name it. I’ve been in a family business for a long while so I’m well connected. People would hire my teenager in a minute if I just asked. The good news is he doesn’t want my help; he wants to get a job on his own. The bad news is he’s not doing anything to get one. So I asked a buddy of mine to give my son a summer job. He said he would; all my kid had to do was pick up the phone and call him. I think problem solved. But my son didn’t call him. No matter how many times I told him to. Now I’m embarrassed my kid didn’t follow through. He still doesn’t have a job, and I don’t want to get anyone else involved in this mess. What can I do to solve his problem?”
As long as you provide “gracious living”, your teenager won’t be motivated to do anything about his problem. He doesn’t think he has one. Create one for him. Charge him for the food, shelter, clothing and transportation he enjoys. No pay, no play. And stick to the plan. If you waver a little or waver a lot, game’s over. You both lose.
“Our very independent teenage daughter wants to work this summer, and her father and I prefer she spend the time with us, bonding, traveling, and relaxing together. She’ll soon be off to college and a life of her own. We want to enjoy our little girl just a little longer. How can we say this to her and not come across as ‘smothering’? (Her choice of words, not ours.)”
Given that she’s independent, wants to earn her own way and create some personal space she’s differentiating herself from you and her dad. That’s part of the process typically described as ‘growing up’. You need to participate in that process as well and learn to let go. Respect your daughter’s preferences without guilt tripping or judging them, and trust that the values you’ve instilled within her will serve her well in the future.
“My son is interviewing for summer jobs and hasn’t had any luck. He’s clean-cut, polite, and very reserved. He’s not very competitive. He holds back and doesn’t sell himself. Have you any advice for him, or for us, in helping him overcome this hurdle?”
Bottom line, applicants of all ages have to assert themselves if they want to compete for available job opportunities. Teenagers, reserved and outgoing are more likely to enjoy work and add value when they’re well matched to environments that bring out the best in them. Outgoing teens who are energized by interaction enjoy working in social, relational settings found in retail, food service, and entertainment venues. Reserved teens who draw energy from within, prefer environments that support that preference; libraries, research centers, book stores, museums, art galleries; positions that rely more on individual contribution than team interaction.
If you want to help, ask how you can be a resource. Your teens might want a non- judgmental sounding board for their job seeking concerns or a way to role-play questions they’re apt to be asked. If you want to help, but don’t think you can (and neither do they), find them someone who can.
