If you’re like many hard drivers, you can be more than a little defensive when criticized for something you’ve said or done.
“What do you mean, I’m defensive? I’m just explaining what happened and why I did what I did!”
“That’s what I mean, you’re acting defensive. Just admit that you were rude this morning. I was in the middle of an important  presentation and you cut me off.”
“Rude? How was I rude? You were taking forever. I jumped in to keep from falling asleep. Besides, how can an explanation be defensive? You’re the one who’s acting defensive because you just don’t want to hear the truth. You know who’s rude? You’re rude! I don’t know why I’m even wasting my time explaining this to you.”
Joe, you’re boldly going where you ought not to go, attempting to right a perceived wrong by arguing your way out of it. If you continue, you’ll create a bigger problem than the one you started.
“What am I supposed to do? Apologize for something that I didn’t intend, something that others balloon out of proportion?”
It’s your actions that get you in trouble, not your intentions. Actions have consequences. Apologize for the actions that you take that result in the consequences you don’t intend.
“How’s that? I don’t follow you.”
Instead of arguing, defending, or explaining, say something like, “I can understand why you felt that I was rude. I got carried away and interrupted when you were in the middle of making your point. I apologize.”
“That’s true. I did that. I got so excited I didn’t pay attention to what she was saying or what was going on around me. She’s right. I was rude. I didn’t mean to be. I’m feeling kind of embarrassed right now.”
Will you apologize?
“Sure, no problem.”
There are times you’re asked to explain things that you’d rather avoid, like “why were you let go from that job?” Cut to the chase. State what happened and describe what you learned.
“ I learned two important lessons from that experience. The first: have more than one mentor in a company that’s undergoing major change, and the second: get experience in more than one area of specialization. By having more than one mentor I’ll be more aware of the influences that can impact my position. By cross training I’ll have greater flexibility and opportunity to add value, particularly if I can move from an area that’s being consolidated to one that’s expanding.”
There are times you think you’re funny and you’re not.
“Jack, you made a serious mistake when you told that joke in the staff meeting. It was crude and insulting. You know we don’t tolerate that around here.”
“You’ve got to be kidding! Everyone knew I was joking. Everyone was laughing! Besides, I’m not the only one who talks like that and you know it. I’m not taking the fall for this.”
“Stop arguing and just admit you made a mistake.”
“I’m not going to admit anything. You people are too sensitive. You’re always looking for a problem when there isn’t one. So I told a joke. It was funny. Get over it.”
“You people? Where are you going with this, Jack?”
Jack’s taking an error in judgment and escalating it to a problem of potentially damaging proportion.
“OK, so what was I supposed to do? I knew the conversation with my boss was getting out of control but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.”
Own your mistakes, whether they’re tactical or strategic, personal or professional. If you don’t step up, quickly and honestly, others will force you to, and it won’t be pretty.
“OK, I hear you, but what can I say?”
“I apologize and I’ll apologize to the people who were there.  We were all laughing and story telling and I didn’t think. I learned a good lesson. A joke isn’t funny if it’s at someone’s expense.”
Your boss is likely to accept your statement and move on, unless you do it again. Trample on people’s rights, show disrespect, act with incivility, and no amount of quick talking apologizing will get you off the hook. Pay now or pay later. You choose.