You are driving us to distraction. You are the people who over-promise and under-deliver. You fall short of our expectations because you created and inflated them. You disappoint, frustrate, and spend more emotional capital then you have, and then you’re surprised when there’s nothing left in the Bank of I Trusted You.

You’re optimistic and well meaning, that’s for sure, and in your effort to please us, you agree to meet our demands and objectives without taking the time to figure out how you’re going to do it. You smile and nod and have us think that you’ll keep your word (you did give it, didn’t you?)  And because we want to, we believe you will. What’s going on with you?  And what’s the matter with us?

We’re your worst nightmare. We’re the headlights at the end of your tunnel. We like to argue about anything and everything, and because we’re convinced that we’re right and you’re not, we just don’t give up. We say what we think, and don’t care how it sounds. We’re tough to please, easy to frustrate, and demanding, very demanding. We want what we want when we want it.

You don’t like to argue. You’d rather please than disappoint. You want to deliver on what you say. You know that many things are going to impact your ability to do that. You’d like to explain that to us but we’re impatient, and jump to the wrong conclusions. So, you don’t bother. Instead, you tell us what we want to hear.

You’re running into delays and cost overruns. You avoid telling us because we’ll turn it into a crisis and blame you for what you can’t control. You think that given time, you can fix this. You have a few ideas that could work. In the meantime, you get involved in another project. You’ll get back to this problem later.

We  telephoned, emailed, and faxed you, wanting a simple answer to a complex question: “Is the job done?” You’re never there and if you are, you’re not taking our calls. We assume the news isn’t good or you’d contact us. Our frustration’s on the rise. You can’t stay away from us forever.

Finally, you answer the phone. The news is better than we feared and worse than we thought. That doesn’t mean that we take it well. We’re just glad to finally know something. We argue, as you knew we would, and contend that if you paid attention, cared more and tried harder, you could have done something to avoid a bad outcome and make a wrong, right. Once we let off steam, we’ll listen to what you tell us, whether we like it or not. From our perspective, it sounds like more excuses. We’re done. We’re finished. And so are you.

Chances are, readers, you’ve been on one side or the other of this dilemma more times than you’d like to remember. If you want a break through strategy, try this: Change an over-promise and under-deliver style to one of under-promise and over-deliver. Change a control and accusing style to a partnership of realistic expectations and problem solving.

Manage expectations: We’ll tell you what we want and how it ties to goals we all share. Tell us, as soon as you know, the roadblocks to getting our objectives met. Give us reasonable and realistic options for success. We’ll be frustrated and we’ll adjust.

Above all, keep us informed. Don’t surprise us. Bad news can’t wait. It just gets worse. The sooner we know, the more time and opportunity we have to turn bad news into acceptable outcomes.

If you don’t know what we want and don’t understand why we want it, ask. Ask and deliver. If you can’t deliver, find someone who can. If what we want is unrealistic, given what you know and we don’t, tell us. Then give us an alternate plan that’s doable and deliverable. Make sure we hear it.

These are challenging times for all of us. We all need to step up and take an active part in finding solutions. If we’re not willing, we need to get out of the way so others can.