Everyone needs to know what they do best so they can match themselves to the jobs that require their skills and strengths. Before I have described someone who was struggling with this challenge and frustrated because he couldn’t figure it out. After making a series of bad career decisions he had managed to dig himself into a financial rut matched only by the dimensions of his personal funk. He had lost the heart, drive and confidence to dig himself out.
He called to tell me about his situation.
“I’m in a double bind,” he said. “I’m afraid to fail and afraid to succeed.”
I asked him to describe an attitude he’d be willing to change if he honestly wanted out his dilemma.
“‘Fear’. I know that’s easier said than done. If I were less fearful, I’d take more chances. If I took more chances I’d increase my odds of succeeding personally and professionally.”
When we last spoke, you told me you dropped out of school because you were in a no-win situation.
“That’s right. I was failing my courses. I wasn’t disciplined enough to study and didn’t want to admit to myself or to others that there were things I didn’t know. So rather than lose face, I walked away from the problem.”
Why is it so hard for you to ask for help?
“I don’t want to look needy or stupid.”
So you chose to fail rather than ask others for guidance?
“And ended up doing something stupid.”
You’re not stupid. You’ve clarified your two primary hurdles: Asking questions and taking actions. When you know what you need, ask questions to get answers, and take actions on what you learn, you start to dig out. What’s a question you’d like to ask?
“I need to be interested in something to stay with it. I need help figuring out what that might be.”
Let’s begin. How do you like to spend your spare time?
“I’ve always liked fixing things. My dad was real handy. When I was a little kid he’d let me watch him work and hand him his tools. By the time I was a teenager he’d let me do the repairs and he handed the tools to me. I loved that. Are you telling me I need to be a handy-man?”
“Stay with me. You’re interested in fixing things that are broken. Can you recall other situations when you used that skill?”
“Absolutely! I’m the one who always sees why ideas won’t work and what we can do to make them work better. My friends used to say that I was never satisfied, nothing was ever good enough, that I was always trying to improve things.”
It sounds like you’re analytical.
“Yes, I hadn’t thought about it, but that’s right. And I like the sound of that much better than other names I’ve been called.”
Here are some synonyms for ‘analyze’ and being ‘analytic’. Tell me how you respond to these: investigate, diagnose, question…
“That’s me!”
Competent, logical, resourceful, practical, systematic…
“You’ve got it. I love to investigate things, trace problems back to their source, and come up with a diagnosis and logical process to correct the problem. My family used to tell me that I had a knack for trouble- shooting and problem solving. I never paid any attention to it because it was easy. I didn’t think it had any value.”
It has value to those who benefit from it. You have natural talent. Focus on it. The more you practice, the more quickly it becomes a strength. The more you develop your strength, the more likely you are to achieve excellence. Ask questions, take action, and find opportunities to maximize what you do best.
