We had just begun talking when my client started to cry.
“This is hard for me”, she said. “It’s the first time I can remember failing, totally, publicly, and despite my best efforts, not keep it from happening. I’ve tried so hard. I’m exhausted from the effort of trying.”
“I took this job for two foolish reasons. First, I accepted it because I was flattered. I was ‘perfect for the position’, they said. ‘Exactly the person’ they sought. Yes, it would be a challenge, but with my ‘keen intelligence and natural talent’ it was a slam-dunk. I was so elated by their belief in me that I didn’t question their assessment of my abilities, nor did I question the scope of the assignment.
Second mistake: I accepted the position because it was a double- promotion and a big jump in pay. I would go from sharing one support person to managing a staff of seven. I would work with high profile, high visibility decision makers from other organizations. I’d have a big title, a glamorous job, and a corner office. I wanted it all.
At first I was overwhelmed, there was so much to learn, but I thought I was handling it. Time passed and I became increasingly uneasy, despite constant reminders that the information would fall into place. I’d be able to organize the work, delegate with ease, (after all, I had seven people at my disposal!) and succeed as I had in the past.
My anxiety didn’t go away. New information came at me at an alarming rate and unrelenting pace. I wasn’t assimilating, synthesizing, and organizing, I was panicking. The harder I worked the less I accomplished.
I’d come in early, stay late, and leave more confused and frustrated than when the day began. Weekdays and weekends blurred in my relentless effort to catch up, hang on, and keep my head above water.
Sunday nights were the worst; my stomach would knot, my head would pound. My husband begged me to quit. My mother said I worried too much. My father gave me “get tough” lectures and time management tapes.
My boss, who was at first so accessible, was nowhere to be found. When I would catch up with her and ask for more direction and clarity she said that was what she hired me to create. She said I was making it harder than it was, that all she wanted were broad- brush solutions to the big questions. I lost it and screamed at her, ‘What brush? What solutions? What questions?’
‘We’ll talk next week’, she said. And we did.
She apologized for recruiting me from the job I did so well, to a situation that was clearly beyond my abilities. She gave me a respectable severance, which was nice, given my brief stay, and wished me well.
“Here I am,” my client said, “stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. My confidence is shot, my self- esteem in shambles. I don’t want to make another mistake, yet I don’t want to limit my potential. What should I do?”
I knew she had the answers. She just needed someone to ask the right questions.
“What will you do differently next time?” I asked.
“That’s easy, she said. “I’ll set aside ego, and ask the specifics of the job. If it sounds ambiguous, it probably is. I’ll clarify the goals, understand what’s expected of me, and be sure they know what my strengths are and what they aren’t. Then I’ll listen to my gut. If the goals, the setting, and the people all connect with who I am and what I do best; if I can stretch in a way that makes sense for me, I’ll take the leap. If not, I’ll take a pass.
“Anything else?” I asked.
“Yes!” she said that a sigh. “I’ll set aside pride. I’ll ask for assistance when I need it, and delegate to others so they can learn and grow as well.
When you listen to, and communicate the wisdom within you, you are authentic. When your specific strengths and values are in alignment with the goals and expectations of your boss and your company, you can achieve beyond expectation.
