Cal, the employee, is in the middle of an approach-avoidance mess. He has a job that he needs and doesn’t want. He doesn’t know what he’s doing and he’s lost while he’s doing it. He forces a smile while he’s scared; he wants to leave and has to stay. As confused as he appears, he’s not the least befuddled about this: It may be scary “in here”, but it’s much scarier “out there”. Bottom line, he’d rather hide out than be thrown out.
Cal’s in survival mode. He’s adopted the strategies of chipmunks, chameleons, and porcupines; he fantasizes writing a book for employee imposters called, How to Avoid Work and Stay Employed: Strategies for Scurrying around, Blending in, and if all else fails, Sticking it to your Company. His dream treatise relies upon his favorite tactics: Deny and Avoid. Cal’s D and A theory holds that if you are successful at avoiding and denying you can be successful in buying time. If you can buy enough time, the things you can’t change will change by their own accord allowing you to survive while doing absolutely nothing.
Here are a few of Cal’s Guiding Principles of D&A: Don’t admit when you’re in over your head. If co-workers ask questions that require informed responses, change the subject and make stuff up.
Don’t ask questions. This is important. If you don’t ask questions, A. your boss and co-workers won’t know what you don’t know and B. Your boss and co-workers might think you know more than they know.
Don’t draw attention to yourself. Wear neutral colors and shoes that don’t squeak. Remove jewelry that clangs, bangs, or reflects light. Avoid making sudden moves or emitting sudden noises. With practice you can stay in plain sight and disappear from view.
If the above fails…
Stay out of sight. If your boss doesn’t see you or your shadow, he/she won’t know where you are. If you are unexpectedly in your boss’s line of sight, move as quickly as you can to the nearest available exit and always know the shortest distance to the closest door.
When in transit, scowl. Scowling is good. If people see you scowl they are likely to leave you alone. If you’re asked why you’re scowling, mumble something unintelligible and keep moving.
Combine 1. scowling 2. asking no questions, 3. hiding in plain sight and 4. heading for exits. Average time purchased: 17 days.
Bob, the Boss, has an approach avoidance conflict of his own going on. He has a job that’s hot and a personal life that’s not. He’s obsessed by work, so he’s there 24/ 6 ¾ . Nothing makes him happier than putting out fires and nothing worries him more than not having any to put out.
The only people skills he has are poor ones, so he shuns the skills and avoids the people. He’s an absentee leader and a runaway manager, despite his responsibility to lead people and obligation to manage process. He doesn’t believe in training employees or developing talent. He delegates without authority or expectation. His greatest fear is that he will be replaced. His remedy is to move quickly, look busy, and be the only one who knows what’s going on.
Bob sends a very clear message to his employees: If you want to succeed, stay out of my way, don’t ask me questions and don’t make me look bad to my boss.
The good news: Cal and Bob are a great match. The bad news: it’s a match that burns at both ends.
Cal’s buying time, waiting for the train to the unemployment station. He’ll find Bob sitting a few cars back. They’re both short timers. Cal knows it. Bob doesn’t. Cal’s afraid to challenge himself, afraid to fail honestly, afraid to question himself and others to understand what he innately does well and should continue to develop.
Bob’s hanging on to a “knowledge is power” past that protected those who knew too much and shared too little. Cal and Bob didn’t invent the game. They’re following a failed model of buy time and blur reality, so stockholders and stakeholders don’t know if they need glasses or the emperor really has no clothes.
