Don’t burn bridges, no matter how aggravated, provoked, or justified you believe yourself to be. It isn’t worth it. To illustrate, read on. I’ve changed the employee’s name but not the story:
Karen was ticked. In a major way. The manager that she had worked so hard to please had passed her over for promotion. Not once. Not twice. But three times. And three times was the charm. She decided she was going to leave and she wasn’t going quietly. She handed in her letter of resignation along with a request for an exit interview. Her boss said that he accepted her letter with regret, she had been a long time employee who had done her job quietly and efficiently. She had a stellar attendance record and never gave anyone a moment’s trouble. He asked why she wanted to leave the company. Karen said that she preferred to handle that in an exit interview with Human Resources. He immediately granted her request.
The HR manager echoed the bosses sentiments, and asked Karen if there were  anything she wanted to say in leaving.
Karen said that there were several things. And with that she let ‘er rip, fueled by feelings she had bottled up for years. The more she talked the more emotional she became. She ranted, she raved, she yelled and she cried. She described the times that she had gone beyond reasonable expectations of the job and received neither compensation nor commendation as a reward; the times that she had asked for transfers to positions that would take her to different levels and pay grades, and her requests ignored. She described taking work home and neglecting family obligations, all in an effort to please her boss. She said that despite co-workers she disliked, managers she didn’t respect, and customers who could be rude and at times abusive, she soldiered on, for the good of the company.
When she was finished, exhausted, and out of breath, she rose to leave. The HR manager thanked her for her candor.
Karen left with a sense of freedom and relief. After a few day’s rest she began her job search with characteristic quiet efficiency. Her resume was understated but impressive. She went on several interviews but nothing came of them. She was confused and disappointed. The hiring managers were impressed by the depth and breadth of her experience and said so. They indicated that they would check references and get back with offers. None were forthcoming. What was going wrong?
Karen did some investigating and discovered that reference checkers were told she had been a good employee with a strong work ethic and excellent attendance record. When they asked if her former company would rehire her, the company representative indicated they would not. The record stated that she had not shared professional concerns in a timely manner and had demonstrated excessive emotional responses to professional set- backs.
Ouch. Those moments of unchecked, uncensored feelings cost Karen a bundle. Was it worth it? Let’s ask her.
“Since I was leaving the company, I thought that it was safe to unload in the exit  interview. I had almost looked forward to it. I was going to say all the things I didn’t have courage to say for the five years that I worked there. I didn’t realize that my comments or conduct in that meeting would affect me in the future. The last thing I was thinking of was a reference. I just knew that I was angry and they were going to know it.
I realized my mistake once those references came back. Thankfully, I was
able to do some damage control. I called HR and my former boss and told them both that I realized how emotional I had been in my exit interview and I apologized for my lack of professionalism. I thanked them for the opportunity to work for them and that I had learned a great deal from the experience, which was true. They were very gracious and said that they appreciated my call.
I wish that I had been more open about my frustrations when there was time to do something about it. Lesson learned. I’ll know better in the future.”