If you’re a frequent reader, you know that I typically offer advice to job seekers, providing strategies for getting and keeping jobs. I often suggest they contact you, as possible references, networking contacts, and prospective employers, and in turn, ask that when you offer your wisdom and perspective you’re doing it to help them stay on the road and out of the ruts they inevitably encounter.
It occurred to me that you might want a little advice too; about how to handle these calls, particularly the ones you’d rather not get, and to remind you that their job search is not your burden. Getting a job is up to them, not up to you. With that in mind and if it helps, here are some tactics you might want to consider when asked to perform a service you’d rather not do.
If you get a call from an acquaintance, a friend, or relative of a friend, who asks you to serve as a reference, pause. And in that pause, ask a few questions.
“I appreciate your considering me as a reference. Let’s talk about the kind of job you’re looking for so I can determine if I’m the right person to help you.”
Listen to caller’s response. If it’s fuzzy, incomplete, or ill considered, suggest that he clarify his objective (or rationale) and get back to you. If he does, and can make a good case for the job he seeks, indicate that you will be his reference with this qualification: “I am pleased to speak on your behalf. I will describe to the prospective employer how I know you and the degree to which I am aware of your experience and expertise. Will that work for you?” Whether it does or doesn’t, you’ve demonstrated care and consideration.
If the caller is someone who has worked for you in the past, whose social skills are impeccable, and skill sets are not, and you believe that she is better suited to different line of work than that to which she is applying, say so. And suggest that she ask her other references for feedback regarding her current objective. If you’re outnumbered, let her know that the other references would do a better job for her than you would.
If the person calling is someone who has worked for you in the past, whose skill sets are impeccable and social skills aren’t, ask what he has done to improve in that regard. If he indicates a targeted effort with positive response, indicate that you will speak positively about his technical prowess and that you are pleased to hear that he is becoming more effective in his communication style. Suggest that he would do well to have additional references who can speak to that aspect of his performance.
Use the same degree of honestly and cordiality with those who would ask to network with you. If you are open to the possibility, ask how you might be a resource. If the person doesn’t know, you may be in for a long meeting in which you do all the work. Instead, ask her to get back to you with a plan. If she does, and is clear about the outcome she intends be sure you’re comfortable with it. If you’re not, you’ll unwittingly un-do the good will and time you have expended.
On behalf of job seekers who respectfully ask their references for permission, and their networking contacts for time and perspective; to those of you who so graciously assist them, thank you. Thank you for working with them, encouraging them, and telling them the truth.
