Aana is  nine years old and bright. Really bright. I was interviewing her for a book chapter I’m writing about youngsters and their ideas about work and the workplace. She eased right  into our conversation and jumped at a chance to give me a crash course on Star Wars characters and the relative merits of becoming a Jedi Warrior. (She’s seriously considering the latter as a career choice. I was impressed.)

We made a deal. Once our interview began in earnest, Aana could call the shots: she could stop whenever she wanted,  and ask me whatever questions occurred to her. If she didn’t like a question I asked, she could tell me so, and answer it only if she wanted.

We cruised along for a while with Aana describing her hobbies and best field trips ever and what she cared about and why. She told me about school and her favorite teachers and her best subjects and then we hit “that moment”.  Aana’s  mom, who was sitting with us, got the nod from her daughter, and respectfully left the room, giving Aana space to speak  privately.

Aana had asked her mother to leave when I asked what moms and dads need to think about before advising their children about careers. She was immediate and emphatic in her response.

“It’s OK for them to  pay attention to what their kids like doing, but not stop them from doing something or get upset when they stop doing it. They need to just stay loose. Parents worry too much. They need to go with the flow. “

I asked for some explanation, some illustration of what she meant.

“Like if  you are collecting Beanie Babies and then you stop. It should be OK to stop because you’re finished doing it. It doesn’t mean something is wrong or that  you shouldn’t have started to collect them. It just means that’s all you want to do it. You’re ready to do something else.”

“They just worry too much,” she said, still on a roll. “They worry too much about stuff they shouldn’t worry about and don’t worry enough about the stuff they ought to worry about.”

“What should they worry about?” I asked.

“About being a family. Being a family is more important than having a job.”

I asked how she knew.

“Because, ” she said, “I’m a kid. Kids know these things better than parents do.”

“How can kids know better than their parents?” I wondered aloud.

“‘Because we see it from the inside. They see it from the outside.”

“What shouldn’t they worry about?” I asked.

“They shouldn’t  worry about what their kids should be when they grow up. Their kids are going to be just fine.”

I’ve given a lot of thought to that conversation with Aana, when I was once again reminded that  we grown-ups need to talk less and listen more. And that we do worry more than we need, about things that will sort themselves out,  if we will just get out of  the way long enough to let it happen. When Aana said that being a family is more important than having a job, I knew that she hit the epicenter of every working parent’s concern. Moms and dads, whether living together or apart, worry about their family’s well being. They worry if they can possibly provide enough, teach enough, and care enough to make their children safe enough.

“Parents worry too much. They should go with the flow. We see it from the inside.”

Worry knits your brow and grinds your teeth. It  tightens your voice and tenses your stomach and makes you sound like someone you aren’t.  Worry keeps you from being a family, because someone who looks like you, is taking your place and sucking the joy out of  your life. What does any of  this have to do with this column and your career? Everything, if wherever you are, you are worrying about where you aren’t. Everything, if you believe you have the power to keep all bad things from happening, at home and at work. Everything, if  worrying  keeps the best there is about you a secret, from those who care about you and rely upon you, most. By the way, when Aana left that day, she asked me to tell her mom what she had told me.

And that’s why I’m telling you.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.joycerichman.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.