If you only focus on where you’ve been and what you’ve left behind, you won’t see what lies ahead.
All she could talk about was how stuck she was; how she and her business, both successful, had slowed, then ground to a stop.
“My customers once had money to throw around and they loved to throw it my way,” she wailed. I had a high end business and my clients didn’t have to worry about where the next buck was coming from. Now they’re either broke or think they are and want nothing to do with me. I’ve not only lost my clientele, I’ve lost my social network and my social standing. I call these people and no one answers. I leave messages and no one returns my calls. I don’t know if it’s me or it’s them but it’s all I can do to drag myself to work in the morning.”
She has every reason to be concerned; to vent about an economy that has drained the joy and the cash out of what she does and who she believes herself to be. That doesn’t mean she needs to sit atop that vent until it draws her into a place that’s hard to escape.
What can she and you do to shift focus from your rear view mirror and what’s quickly receding from sight, to what lies ahead?
“I can’t do anything. That’s it. End of story.”
That’s the end of that chapter. Your story is much bigger than one chapter. Tell me about you.
“What’s to tell? I’m fifty-one years old. I have three kids and four grandchildren and no husband. I travel, which I love, and I entertain, which I love even more. I have friends who love to be with me because I make them laugh.”
With that, she let out a hearty, delighted laugh, as though remembering something wonderful. I asked her to describe the occasion. Her eyes brightened and she smiled softly, reflectively as she told a story that was full of life and exuberance. The tension that had seemed to define her fell away, and she relaxed. She was back in balance.
“What do I need to do?” she asked. “I’m ready.”
When stress overtakes you, emotions rule and emotions want you to survive. What you fear most (and can’t control) rises up to take you down. The feeling is so real, so frightening that your primal response to it is fight or flight. As a result, you think too little and behave too much. None of those dreadful things are going to happen to you but your emotions don’t know that. They want to save you.
When reason overrules emotion, you think before acting and move as though stuck in mud. The act of putting one foot before the other is exhausting as you inch forward, eyes down, taking care to not stumble and fall.
When you’re confronted by change you don’t expect, adapt by allowing your emotions to inform reason and reason to manage your emotions. Once you’re in balance you’ll begin to see the road forward and the possibilities that lie ahead.
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Joyce Richman (www.joycerichman.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at www.thecoachingassociation.com.
