Words, particularly value-laden words, mean different things to different people. Some interpret language figuratively and others, literally. If we were to think before we speak, clarifying our intentions to maximize the value and appropriateness of our impact, we’d have fewer misunderstandings.
We may not realize the influence our body language or facial expressions have upon the communication of the words we choose to use. Some of us are highly animated and transfer more energy than we do meaning, others of us are low key and do a less than adequate job communicating what we care about and why.
Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D. Professor Emeritus of Psychology, UCLA, dedicated much of his research and teaching career to the understanding of human communication. He established a model that described the impact of spoken words and observed behaviors. Simply stated, it suggested that we communicate 7% of meaning in the words we speak, 38% of meaning in the ways we say them, and 55% of meaning in our facial expressions as we verbalize them.
Tom Jones (not the singer) was interviewing with the XYZ Company and speaking with Hal, the human resources representative (whose name’s not really Hal). Hal’s asking questions regarding jobs Tom had earlier worked:
“Tom, you mention in your resume that you’ve held a variety of leadership positions. Would you describe those to me?”
“Sure, Hal. To tell you the truth, I’ve been in plenty of situations where my leadership has been valued and I’ve gotta’ tell you, I’ve not always been compensated fairly when that’s happened. In fact, and I’m telling you the truth here, that’s the biggest reason I’m looking for a job. I’m not only a terrific leader, I’m one of the most creative problem solvers you’re likely to find, and especially at the puny salary it looks you’re willing to pay. Here are the facts, Hal, and you can take them to the bank, I am a bargain. I wouldn’t be looking if my former boss treated me right. Now don’t get me wrong, Hal, you look like a smart fella’ for an HR flunky, so I know you’ll hire me, pay me what I deserve, then get outta’ the way.”
Not surprisingly, Hal is deeply and profoundly under-impressed. For starters, he immediately sees a red flag when someone prefaces comments with, “to tell you the truth” because he assumes that much of what the individual communicates isn’t the truth. Additionally, Hal is off-put by Tom’s exaggerated self-descriptions, his disparaging attitude regarding the salary, and his dismissive words regarding Hal and the HR function.
Now, let’s turn the tables and get Tom’s take on the interview.
“I gotta’ tell ya’, I was lost most of the time I was talking to Hal. I couldn’t read him. I didn’t know what the guy was thinking. His eyes were blank, his face was blank and so was his personality. He wasn’t giving me anything to go on! The quieter he got, the more I jabbered. If he wanted me to make a fool of myself, it worked. I knocked myself out, trying to get a reaction out of him, and sure enough, he finished the job for me. Honestly, if he wants a good interview he’s got to be in the room.”
Hal and Tom wasted time and energy turning a win-win opportunity into a lose-lose outcome.
If you want to become more aware of the impact of your words and the ways you communicate them, ask, and listen to the response you get. If you want to be sure you’re understanding what you hear and the intent behind the message, ask. You’ll be amazed at what a little clarification does for personal growth, professional development, and career success.
