“I’m worried that…”

Most callers begin the conversation with something they’re worried about. Some are worried about having been fired, or laid off, or how long they’ve been looking. Some are worried that they’re too old to have relevance , too young to have experience, too experienced to learn, too inexperienced to trust, too focused to be flexible, too flexible to be focused, too driven, too laid back, too little, too late.

You name it, someone’s worried about it. And that worry is getting in the job seekers’ way, in ways they may not realize or fully appreciate. If they did, they’d stop stressing, and change the story they’re telling themselves from something bad to something good.

For example, the person worried about being fired from a job (or two, or three) isn’t interviewing, because she’s assuming that no one will want to talk to her. So she sits home and stresses, which only makes her worry more instead of less. By the time she calls to tell me how worried she is, she’s convinced herself that there is no solution for which she cannot find a problem. The only responses she knows are ‘can’t’, ‘won’t, ‘shouldn’t’ and ‘that won’t work.’

So instead of jumping to solutions I chose to ask her a few more questions. I asked why she was fired (once, twice, three times) and she said it was because she mouthed off to her superiors. I asked her why she did that. She said she did it because she was frustrated. And why was she frustrated, I asked? (stay with me now) Because she was bored. And was she bored? She was bored because she finished her work before her co-workers and she had nothing to do. And what did she do when she had nothing to do? “Mouth off”, she said,” to get some attention, to occupy some time, to have something to do after the work gets done.”

“Why aren’t you reaching higher,” I asked. “Why aren’t you going for jobs that will hold your attention?”

She didn’t reply. I thought maybe we lost connection. “Hello, are you there? I asked. And asked, twice more.

“I never thought of doing that,” she said. “I thought I wasn’t smart enough and they’d laugh at me.”

Our conversation turned from what wasn’t working to what could work better. She shifted her attention from how she’d messed up to what she could do differently. She got off the phone with a plan and got to work on a purpose.

Too young, too old, too skinny, too fat, too much of this and too little of that… is a fact. It is not a deal breaker. It is an aspect of who you are, a part of the package you bring to the table, but it does not define you or limit you unless you choose to make it so.

What do you do best? What do you enjoy most? What makes you happy? When those elements, combined, make a difference for one person or many, it’s a job you can do. Make it happen.