Screaming toddlers are banging on pots, demanding attention while their harried mothers and frazzled fathers yell in their phones and hunch over their desks, desperate to complete what looks like their job. Distraction controls. Chaos reigns. Nothing of value gets done. The banging gets louder and no one can listen because no one can hear.
This manager is done. “I am so over it, I just don’t care.”
She’s so tired of the back biting, gossip spreading, over the top and under the table squabbling of her employees that she’s ready to throw in the towel. She’s not leaving her job. She’s leaving her employees.
“All they do is complain about each other. I’ve told them again and again, “”I don’t want to hear about it. You fight it out between yourselves. Don’t come to me with this stuff anymore. I’ve had it with all of you!”
She says they keep yammering, like they don’t hear what she’s telling them.
She’s right, they don’t. And probably for reasons that are different than she might think.
They don’t hear her because they don’t believe she’s listening to what they’re telling her. They’re asking questions and not getting answers. They need more and are getting less. The more noise they make, the more anxious they become about something they need and aren’t getting.
Typically, employees want to know the basics: what does the boss expect, when does she expect it, and what should it look like when it’s done?
Once the basics are satisfied, the questions answered, other issues and needs can emerge:
I’m working as hard as I can, and I don’t feel that I’m getting the recognition I deserve. When no one tells me how I’m doing, I get unsure of myself. What if my work isn’t what they expect? What if I’m not as good as I’m supposed to be? what if I lose my job?
When change is in charge, employees feel pulled from every direction. Each message they get sounds more pressing than whatever preceded it. If employees feel that the company’s compass is spinning out of control, they get real concerned and say so.
Ignoring complainers and complaints won’t result in making them go away. People and problems become increasingly complex and testy the longer they are neglected. What can start as concern and uncertainty can escalate to all out conflict.
Conflict. What can you do about it? Avoid it? Accommodate it? Personalize it? Get combative, aggressive, and nasty about it?
Face it. Lower the volume, yours and theirs. Listen to reasons for concern before solving problems you don’t fully understand. Identify the impact of concerns and consequences of the impact. Separate the problem from the person speaking or the people being spoken about. Focus on the problem.
Ask open ended questions and exercise patience. It takes time and effort to listen when responses sound emotional, blaming, antagonistic. Allow the speaker full opportunity to vent. Confirm your understanding of what is being said by rephrasing. Proceed when your take is confirmed as accurate. Tone down the conflict by identifying common interests. Stay away from fixed positions (what you and I need) and focus on concerns (why you and I need it). If you can satisfy a concern you can usually satisfy a position.
Most conflicts are borne out of needs that people share and fear will be lost: recognition, affirmation, security, control, a need to belong and be well.
If your employees are spending more time making more noise than they are creating and producing, there’s a reason. Find out why, what they need, and how you can work out a solution, together.
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Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:
Joyce Richman (www.joycerichman.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.
