A reader asks this question:

“I have an ordeal I’m dealing with and need your advice. I’ve been at my current position for one year and greatly enjoy the people I work with except for my boss. We don’t click at all. It seems like I can never do one thing to please her. I’m in my 20’s and she’s twice my age. I have an undergraduate degree and she has an advanced degree. I watch the way she interacts with the other people in the office who have higher degrees and she gets along with everyone of them BUT me. If she calls me and I’m not at my desk or I’m on the phone she assumes that I’m not here. Its like that constantly. She belittles me in front of others and sends me rude emails. I need to know how to handle her and this situation. I’ve tried talking to her in the past but she blows up and says she doesn’t want to hear about it. Can you help?”

~ M. P. in Anywhere City, USA

A: You sound like you want to make this work despite describing a boss who sounds like a cross between the Wicked Witch of the West and Cinderella’s stepmother. She doesn’t appreciate or value your work and likes everyone in the office, but you. I’m not sure where your motivation to succeed is coming from, but I’m glad you’ve got it. Now, let’s get to work.

You’ve noticed that your boss gets along with everyone but you, so I’m assuming you work in a fairly small office. I mention that because your boss has chosen to communicate with you via telephone or email. She even rejected your suggestion to meet and clear the air. So, why is she throwing darts from long distance?

What you know: She doesn’t like your job performance.

What you don’t know: Why she doesn’t like it.

You have a hunch that your problems are connected to what sets you two apart: age and education. You could be onto something. If your boss believes you’re not performing your job as a mature, responsible, educated adult should (as mature, responsible, and almost as educated as she sees herself) then she’d be aggravated with you. That doesn’t mean that she’s right in her perceptions but she has the right to have them.

You mentioned that she assumes you’re not working when you’re away from your desk or on the phone. She could reasonably conclude that you’re using office time to do things other than what she has assigned. (It’s that perception thing again.)

How can you change her perceptions? Change your behaviors. Provide your boss a daily status report on your assignments. If you’re ahead of schedule (which may be why you’re on the phone or away from your desk), let her know and ask how you can be of additional assistance to her and the department.

You’ve observed that your boss gets along better with office mates who have advanced degrees. Her attitude may have more to do with different work styles than differences in intellect. In short, she gets along better with people who see the world as she does, and you may see the world differently. Here’s a hypothetical example: let’s say your boss plays by the rules, is a stickler for details and deadlines, and gets anxious if you don’t share her concerns. She might call you a sloppy, slacking, screw-up (you mentioned her belittling comments and rude emails).

On the other hand, you may be a creative person who loves variety and flexibility, and believe that doing things with flair and style are more satisfying than getting them done on time. You’re not into details, you’re into possibilities! That’s a conflict waiting to happen.

You mention there are several co-workers that get along with you and your boss. They’re in a position to see what you miss. Ask them to respond candidly to three questions:

I want to be more effective in my job and get along better with my boss. What should I stop doing, start doing, and continue to do?

Now take your positive energy and get to work!