A reader asks:
Q: I enjoy my work but have no tolerance for petty people and this place is filled with them. They constantly complain about each other. What makes it worse is that the department head seems to buy into whatever is being said so now she’s part of the problem. I try to stay out of it but it’s inescapable. I know I need to find a job somewhere else but why should I give up what I enjoy because of their stupid behavior? Should I try to handle the situation or just give up?
– D.E.
A: Before you give up on your current situation let’s look at what might be fixable right where you are. In order to do that, examine the challenge and separate the issues.
You’re working with a bunch of squabblers who are creating more negativity than you can reasonably tolerate.
You try to stay out of it.
Your boss has become part of the problem instead of part of the solution.
You don’t know whether to stay and ignore it or find work somewhere else.
Squabblers: Most employees who spend more time arguing with each other than getting the job done want the person in charge to take charge. Everyone’s a bit different. Some people need more structure; others less. Some want to know exactly what the boss expects; others want room to maneuver. Some need attention; others want to be left alone. The chaos occurs in the absence of clear leadership: everyone talks about what they want and no one listens and acts on what they’re saying.
You said that your boss “buys into whatever is being said and now she’s part of the problem”. When a boss takes sides, she’s not leading, she’s following. If she doesn’t clarify organizational and departmental goals, roles, and expectations, her employees operate in a vacuum. In that void, they’ll take their frustrations out on each other, with one or several vying for control.
Some people prefer to find fault and place blame when things are going badly. Others want to stay out of the fray, hoping that avoiding it will somehow make it tolerable. Hopefully, more of your colleagues prefer solutions to problems and would like to get back to work.
If you’re one of the latter and are willing to make an honest effort at leading change, there’s a significant role you can play: Listen to the complainers. I realize their gripes sound petty to you but they’re important to the people making them. Listen for themes in the information you hear. Pay attention to what you see. Call a group meeting. Describe your observations, without judgement. Ask for confirmation where you’re on target and clarification when you’re not. Help the group separate the issues that individuals have with each other from the larger issues the group may have with the boss or the company. Ask for a few volunteers (too many can be overwhelming and nonproductive) to present the group’s concerns to the boss.
Then make an appointment with her. Describe the purpose of the meeting, and ask if she’d like to see a written summary of the ideas the group would like to explore with her. Be sure to include suggestions for solutions the group agrees would benefit everyone: the individuals, the department, and the company. Indicate the group’s desire to work with her and each other in making things right for everyone.
Change takes effort, time, and patience. Everyone, including you, who are involved in the process needs to feel convinced that changing behaviors will result in better outcomes.
Should you leave or should you stay? For the near term, if you have the energy and grit, give the group and their solutions a chance to work. If you’ve given it your best shot and nothing changes, it’s time to look for an environment that better matches who you are and what you need.
Good luck. And let us know how it turns out.
